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Beautiful DisasterHow is it that no amount of sympathy
Or good cheer can help me?
But when he's near,
With his dark,sullen eyes and his bittersweet smile
How is it that I feel better for awhile?
Why can't the endless promises,
The friendly hugs,
The feel-good drugs fix me
And how can he?
He's broken too
It's strange but true
Hearing his voice,I'm falling faster
Into our beautiful disaster
Young and StupidYes,I'm too young to be in love
But that doesn't mean I don't care about you
No,I don't know what I'm doing
But I do try to think things through
Sometimes I'm crazy,spoiled,stupid
But at least I can admit it
I'm brash and bold and reckless
I'm a kid
What's your excuse?
Giving UpNothing I can do is good enough
No matter how hard I try,
I'll always fail in your eyes
Or in someone's eyes
I'm sorry,I couldn't silence my cries
I'm sorry you saw past my disguise
I'm so sorry for shaming you
But can you blame me for blaming you?
So I give up
I give up on trying to please you,
And I give up on lying to please you
You can shake your head in disgust,
But I won't try to appease you
Because I'm done caring how you see me
ListenI swear I'll scream until I lose my voice
I'll talk so much you'll have no choice
But to listen,even if it's just for a minute
I swear,your respect,I will win it
And someday you won't laugh anymore
Someday you'll see
How wrong you were about me
Bury Me With HimEvery morning when I wake and he's not there beside me,
My heart breaks
Every time I try to think of words to describe how much I miss him,
How much I need him here
My head aches
And every night when I can't fall asleep
When I just lie there and weep
I beg God to bring him back to me
Lust,Right?I don't love her.It's lust,nothing but stupid teenage lust I'm feeling right now.
Idiot.You've always loved her,you still do.
Look,see how perfectly you two fit together,with her curled up beside you,your limbs entangled as if you were one person?Admit it.You never stopped loving her.
I did.I did.She was gone for a year and I didn't even think of her once,I've moved on.
Don't even try to lie.Yeah,you've moved on.She isn't everything to you anymore,but she's something,she's your first kiss and the last girl you'll ever allow yourself to love.Don't pretend like you don't want to kiss her right now,right now more than anything you want to feel her lips against yours and her arms around you.
I'm not pretending.I see it,and I know it's just lust,right?
NothingI'm trying so hard to be strong
I know that I did nothing wrong
But every second that you're gone
I want to beg until you come back
I won't admit it but it's true,
I feel like nothing without you
Finding My Way HomeThis isn't living
This is taking each day at a time,trying to hold back tears
Trying not to think of how all my fears
I'm so lost without you
This isn't home
Home is with her,
Her sea-blue eyes and her half crazed laughter
Home are our stories,
With faeries and castles and happily ever after
Back home,there's a girl who means everything
The difference between dying and living
I'm awake,but with her,
It's like I never stop dreaming
ManslaughterHow were you supposed to know
That your words would hurt me so?
That all the silly little insults,meaningless to you
Were the insults that he used too
You had no way of knowing
That one cruel joke could make me cry
And even then I wasn't showing
How much I wanted you to die
How much I wanted him to die
He yelled and pushed and punched by day
But the worst part was at night
He whispered softly and down he'd lay
Next to me,breathing in my ear
I'd beg him to leave,shaking with fear
And down my cheek ran a single tear
As another small piece of me died
As I silently,hopelessly cried
And maybe,maybe you might have cared
But how were you to know?
You didn't know,you weren't there
What If The Answer Is Never?I suppose it's not normal to feel stuck,
To feel like your in a current and can't get out.
The switch is stuck on downward,
And I'm spiraling.
Down, down, down.
Wondering how far till the bottom
No longer afraid of crashing
Because it's continual.
Normal happiness is shadowed
On the rare occasion it shows up.
Why can't I be happy?
Why am I so...dark?
There has to be a better answer than depression
Better answer than chemicals and growing up.
Why isn't every teenager like this?
And why me?
But my questions echo back,
Unanswered. Bouncing around
This large empty place
And the most important question is asked,
When will I be happy?
But it's said quietly and toward the floor.
No answer is expected this time
And maybe that's a blessing
What if the answer is never?
Liar You're beautiful...
Of course I am.
No, I mean it.
Sure you do.
Why won't you believe me?
Because you're lying, that's why!
Why would I lie about that?!
Maybe because you like to see me squirm, or you're just a jerk, or both. I think I'm going with both.
Listen to me! I'm not lying!
I don't want to hear it anymore.
What's wrong with me saying you're beautiful?
Because, I own a mirror, and what I see is NOT beautiful!
It is to me...
just rememberif i throw insults,
say "fuck you,"
it isn't true.
if i'm being selfish,
or a whore,
i love you more.
if i hate you,
leave you be,
come with me.
Broken HeartI'm a broken heart.
Torn into deep with a
But anyone can save me.
Why isn't anyone trying?
Leave me to struggle through.
On my own.
Leave me when I'm desperately
In need of someone to help me.
I can't save myself anymore.
And hope is getting.
Hard to hold onto.
The blade is easier to grasp.
Easier to keep close.
The Only WishAll she wanted
was for someone to shake their head and say "You're lying"
when she said
"Really; I'm fine."
Murder is To Hate As....Murder is to Hate as a lamp is to a light
All the sins all piled up
Equaling just as much
The lying is equal to the slave trading
The rape is equal to the dishonoring
All the sins all piled up
Equaling just as much
Controversy stacks up high
Higher than a plane will fly
Flying high are our cruel words
The words are the same as the bullets
The bullets the same as the words
All the sins are piled up
Equaling just as much
You Want To Know Where I Was?You want to know where I was?
I was in a mental hospital.
For trying to kill myself.
Go ahead! Tell everyone.
Have them talk shit.
It's the truth.
I'm done hiding that,
I cut myself.
I'm a cutter.
It's how I get by.
You may not understand.
But I never expected you to.
A TheroyThere is a theory.
When you're dead
You can feel "love tugs"
From the people missing you
The one's that love you,
So much that they won't let you go.
Why can I already feel them?
Am I that far gone?
11:11 wishes."Do you have a problem with me loving you?" He asked quietly.
"No." I said hesitantly.
"Do you have a problem with me thinking the world of you?" He asked.
"Again, no." I replied.
"Are you alright beautiful?" He whispered.
"Why do you call me that?" I asked quietly.
"Why not?" He questioned.
"It makes me feel guilty." I replied.
"Why?" He asked sounding confused.
"Because you love me, but I love him." I replied barely a whisper.
He bent and whispered in my ear,
"Yes you do love him. But beautiful you're my 11:11 wish every night. One day you will be mine."
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More